👥 First Person vs. Third Person: Hugs, Headspaces, and the Heart of the Story

March 01, 2025

👥 First Person vs. Third Person: Hugs, Headspaces, and the Heart of the Story

First Person vs. Third Person: The POV Dilemma Every Writer Faces

Let’s talk about something every writer wrestles with—sometimes in silence, sometimes in frustration, and sometimes (if you’re me) during dramatic pacing sessions in front of a blank Google Doc:

Should you write in first person or third person?

At first glance, it sounds like a simple question.
But for some of us, it’s a creative identity crisis every time we start something new.

🧠 The Internal Dialogue: Me, Myself, and My Characters

The internal conversation goes something like this:

“Should I say I walked into the room like I owned it…
or she walked into the room like she paid the rent and had the deed framed on the wall?”

One version puts me in the driver’s seat, navigating every thought and heartbeat.
The other makes me the narrator, sipping tea in the backseat, watching someone else live their life.

Both are perfectly valid. But choosing the wrong one (for me) has completely derailed some of my best story ideas.

😮 My Trial-and-Error Moment

Here’s the truth from my early writing journey:

My first novel was written in third person.

At the time, I thought I was doing the “right thing.”

Third person felt formal, mature, safe.
Like, “Yes, look at me, I am an Author™.”

The book turned out fine (ish), but it took me forever.

Not just because it was my first book—but because I felt like I was writing about the character rather than as the character.

It was like watching a movie through a foggy window instead of stepping onto the set.

When I switched to first person in my next book, something shifted.

Suddenly, I wasn’t just guiding a character through a plot—I was the character.

The emotions were mine.
The decisions were mine.
The guilt, the fear, the fire—mine.

Every page felt like a conversation with myself.

And that’s when the magic happened.

💬 The Emotional Difference: Air Hug vs. Long Embrace

Let me put it this way:

Third person is like giving your character an air hug.

You’re near them, cheering them on from just outside the frame, but you don’t feel everything they do.

First person?

It’s a long, messy, vulnerable hug.

You’re in it. You’re tangled up in the thoughts, the flaws, the backstory, the sweat, the truth.

The highs and the lows aren’t distant echoes—they’re pounding beats in your chest.

Now, I’m not saying one is better than the other.

They just hit differently.

Like different genres of music. Or different coffee orders depending on the weather.

🕵️‍♂️ When Third Person Wins the Day

Third person isn’t just a fallback or a default.

Later in my writing, I crafted a short murder mystery in third person—and let me tell you, it worked beautifully.

Why?

The story had a larger cast of characters, shifting motives, and overlapping timelines.

First person would’ve been a logistical nightmare.

With third person, I could pull back and play with suspense.

I could offer perspectives the main character didn’t have.

Build tension from multiple angles.

It felt like directing a movie instead of starring in it.

Sometimes your story needs space.

Third person gives you room to play chess with your characters instead of just being one of the pawns.

👥 Quick POV Breakdown

Here’s a framework I like to use when deciding POV (feel free to steal this for your own writing notebook):

First Person = “I am the story.”
Great for deep emotional resonance, intimate storytelling, confessions, diaries, memoir-style narratives.
Third Person Limited = “I’m close, but I’m watching.”
Still zoomed in on one character’s internal world, but with a touch more distance and flexibility.
Third Person Omniscient = “I am God, and I know everything.”
Best for sprawling casts, layered plots, and storylines with multiple interconnected perspectives.
Second Person = “You are the story.”
Rare, intense, experimental, and a bit like wasabi — a little goes a long way.

💡 The Lesson I Learned (That Might Save You Time)

If I could go back in time and give my younger writer self a gift, it would be this:

Listen to your gut sooner.

Some stories need to be told from the inside out.

Some stories beg for you to step back and see the bigger picture.

Now, whenever I start plotting a new book, I write a single scene—sometimes just a page—in both first and third person.

Then I step back and ask:

Which version made me feel something?
Which version flowed without forcing?
Which one whispered, “This is the way”?

Usually, the answer becomes obvious pretty fast.

👋 Final Thoughts (and a Friendly Reminder)

Whether you write from inside your character’s soul or from a bird’s eye view hovering above their every move, there is no wrong answer.

POV is a tool.

An emotional delivery system.

A way to connect with your reader.

But it’s also a way to connect with yourself as a writer.

Don’t let a style trend or a famous author’s process box you in.

You’re the one holding the pen (or tapping the keys).

You get to decide which voice brings your story to life.

And hey—if you’re feeling stuck, go ahead and write the same chapter twice.

See which one moves you.

Go where the story feels alive.

Thanks for letting me get this out.

Sometimes I just have thoughts that can’t sit still—and lucky you, you were here to witness them. 🤭

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